Week 1 Rundown

BALTIMORE scores with 2 minutes left in the game and holds on for the win over Abilene in Texas.

Baltimore trailed early 10-0, but cut it to 10-9 after three consecutive field goals by rookie kicker Virginia Pratt. From there, it was a closely contested back and forth game. In the end, red deer quarterback Aspen Redfield, yes that Redfield, put up 375 yards, including a game winning 71 yard touchdown in the final minute to seal it for the Ponies.

Final Score: Ponies 25 Lancers 20

CHICAGO should be arrested after the Outlaws lay a big one on Downriver.

The Outlaws scored early and often as they quickly pulled away in this one.  Jerry Simons had 18 carries for 159 yards for Chicago. The Outlaws dominated in the first half, leading 24-0. In his opening debut, rookie African Wild Dog quarterback Darius Smith led the team with three touchdowns and no interceptions, and left the Waves scrambling without a score.

Final Score: Chicago Outlaws 37, Downriver Waves 10

CALIFORNIA pulls away in the 2nd half to defeat Easton.

It was a close one for a while in Los Angeles, but in the end the Don’s defense really made the difference. Artemis Griner had 11 tackles and a sack while veteran QB Darnell Paige went 20/34 for 200 yards and 3 Touchdowns. Rookie QB Joe Bowers reportedly was spotted on the sidelines in a faux fur coat in the hot California sun. After the game he was caught signing the jerseys of the opposing team when they weren’t looking...

Final Score: Dons 28, Bald Eagles 17

GRAND RAPIDS comes out on top in a dog fight with Fargo.

This game came down between the two quarterbacks, with Terence Curran ending up on top.  His game stats of 22/34 for 226 yards plus two touchdowns and two interceptions was enough to hold his opponents just in his trail.  But that doesn’t mean rookie phenom and fennec fox Christina Carson did bad.  Her opening stats of 19/28 for 223 yards with one touchdown and one interception proved that she will be a worthy quarterback to look out for in the future games.

Final Score: Dragons 24 Axemen 17

NEW YORK stuns a favored Las Vegas team in the desert having the oddsmakers scratching their heads.

The dynamic defense rookie duo of raccoon Kelley Rowe and quick fox Coby Carson weren’t enough to stop New York’s potent offensive attack. The Bandits were heavily favored in this one, but it seems that word failed to reach the Titans. It was a typical blazing day in Vegas but New York didn’t melt in the heat. Instead Andre Botkis went over 300 yards passing for 4 touchdowns to route the Bandits in their home opener.

Final Score: Titans 28 Bandits 10

NORTH FLORIDA goes wild on visiting Texas.

While rookie defensive lineman german shepherd Kennith ‘The Shredder’ Shrader made his first game presence for the North Florida defense with 4 tackles and a sack, the rest of the defense followed through as they dominated the Texas offense; which included five interceptions with two returning to the end zone. Texas hopes to be better prepared next week in its matchup against Downriver.

Final Score: Renegades 34 Ramblers 7

Talking the Draft (Live via F-SPIN): Part 2

LIVE ON F-SPIN (a parody of ESPN): Our very own Matt Lewis - an American football expert who has been following the development of this new league - sat with us at the studio to talk about what he has seen from the Inaugural Season's draft pool.

(This is a continuation of Part 1)

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FS: Welcome back, we're here with agent and expert Matt Lewis... Now we've been talking about the draft - kind of candidly - just based on your observations. And it doesn't seem like many of the coaches have been talking thus far. So you told us you were able to chat a little bit with a few of them?

Matt: That's correct and, you know, I could ramble for hours on this. But I can summarize. Each coach would be happy to have the vibrant, enthusiastic, and talented man or woman. The type that fly in with their tails up. Each team has different needs. Some of them really want a good solid quarterback to lead their team for many years. Others want to concentrate solely on building the strongest defense. But despite their wants and needs, they all have their eyes set on the characters - the players - who really just want to play football.

FS: Rolling this in - it's hard, especially for offensive linemen, to really shine like that.

Matt: True. But offensive linemen are popular first-round draft picks. Their solidarity is what makes them shine. They're the ones putting in the hours at the gym while the vibrant bunch lights up the twitter feeds.

FS: And we have a small offensive line class this year?

Matt: Yes, but it shouldn't matter. There's these guys - Darren Hibbard, Odell Schmidt - they're huge and sturdy. They're good linemen. The tape shows that you want these guys on your line.

FS: Any concerns?

Matt: For the most part, no. In fact, I'd say, there's just a maturity issue - but that could be applied to many rookies. You know, a lot of these guys are either fresh out of college or have been chomping at the bit to get out on the field.

FS: So, our guess here at the studio was, that Odell and Darren would be sold by the end of Round 1. But who is likeliest to take those picks?

Matt: Good questions. Grand Rapids, Chicago, and California have shown fair interest. But - I mean, this is the draft!

FS: Very true, very true.

Matt: You should expect anything!

FS: Anything? A kicker becomes our first pick?

Matt: *laughs* Uh, no, maybe not.

FS: So, there's been a photo going around, and I wanna get your take on this. I'm going to throw it on the prompter for everyone at home to see. This is Kris Clueton of Northern California; they call him "Thunderstruck" for a reason, Matt - just look at this. He's got guts.

Matt: And, I'll tell ya, it's amazing this guy still has a chance. A lot of the coaches - at least, if I were a coach, I'd have to think twice before drafting that guy to my team. But as far as kickers go, and they don't go far - at least in a draft atmosphere - he's got the best chance to have an immediate affect for any team that drafts him. He's just gotta tone it down a little and avoid pulling stunts like that in the UFFL.

FS: And -

Matt: - Also I hope he was able to scrub that paint out of his fur...

FS: Definitely. The guy is dedicated. Now, Matt, here's an interesting question. Why are we not hearing much about defensive players?

Matt: That's just a historical thing for American football. Defense usually doesn't go first round unless the coach is specifically targeting a position. And as a lot of the talk gets swung towards those who shout loudest, it's been held down.

FS: Well, you and I would both agree, that's what you're here to do! Give these guys some time!

Matt: Alright, well, my first shout out goes to the young Kennith Shrader - I love calling him the Shredder, and he's going to be a first round pick; let me tell you why. Shrader may be young, but he's got the speed - he's got the strength - and he's got the thirst. People love this guy; he's family-friendly. He's ambitious and he is skipping out after one year of school to try his legs in this new league. Shrader might be itching to stay local to the area though, so Downriver and Grand Rapids are his favorite teams.

FS: And to explain to those at home who aren't familiar with "Downriver", its the southwestern region of Detroit. Now, go on, another pick.

Matt: Sure. On the Linebacker spectrum, its Artemis Griner, like I mentioned earlier - but we haven't mentioned the talented Eddie Theisen. The bull from Edgerton is not one of those spark-plug personalities. He's there to play - coaches should like that. A couple small injuries plagued him in camp, though, and he was ultimately out-shined by Griner despite the species difference.

FS: Did anyone else suffer injuries during their training sessions?

Matt: Thankfully, no - there were a couple scares; cornerback Mark Heineken suffered a small facial injury, but it won't affect him come draft day.

FS: Alright, there's one other person we have to mention here before we close out - well, actually, it's important to note that the draft will be taking place this Saturday, August 23rd, at 11:30 pm EST - so set your clocks because it's going to be a late one. Now, the rules stipulate a 5-minute limit per pick in round 1 and a 2-minute limit in the successive rounds.

Matt: Correct. And that's not the problem. The problem will be getting the best players first. This first season won't allow trading draft order picks, and it assumes all teams are on the same level, so the picks are alternating 1-12, 12-1, 1-12, 12-1.

FS: How do you think this will affect draft choice?

Matt: The teams it affects the most are Texas and Easton. Strategically their picks have to be based off the playing field; Texas gets the first pick and then must wait 23 picks before getting its next two in a row, and vice versa for Easton. They'll have to make sure they get the players they want.

FS: Yes. Okay, we have just one minute left so I'm going to read off some names here and you tell me just a quick tidbit about each.

Matt: Go for it.

FS: Terra Eavens, Safety.

Matt: She's built well for the position, but needs to work on her footing.

FS: Laxton Evans, Punter.

Matt: ... Don't know. Keep going.

FS: Nash Pony, Tight End.

Matt: He's got the talent. There's some concern about how he will develop into the role, but it'd be really surprising if he doesn't get picked first out of the tight ends.

FS: ... Liam Palanturas?

Matt: Someone told me that calico is a virtual blur on the playing field. How do you keep track of all those fur colors??

FS: And with that life-defining question, I thank you Matt for coming in this week to tell us about this first season!

Matt: It's been a pleasure.

FS: Thank you, and thanks for watching Talking the Draft on F-SPIN. Stay tuned for more football talk in the coming days...

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SEE YOU ON DRAFT DAY!!

Talking the Draft (Live via F-SPIN): Part 1

Alright, let's get some talk going about these draft picks for the UFFL. We've already had some drama - there have been bumps and bruises shared - the rumors are already spreading. What could happen in our first season?

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LIVE ON F-SPIN (a parody of ESPN): Our very own Matt Lewis - an American football expert who has been following the development of this new league - sat with us at the studio to talk about what he has seen from the Inaugural Season's draft pool, and chatted with 10 of the 12 head coaches.

FS: Thanks for sitting down today with us!

Matt: My pleasure.

FS: Now, you gotta tell us what's going on! We're all in the dark here!

Matt: Ha! Yeah, there's been some drama... some tail-pulling... I could go on forever.

FS: Well, let's start with the Quarterbacks. What have you seen that has impressed you? And are any of the quarterbacks potential #1 picks?

Matt: Me and my team have definitely seen a bump in the rankings from Joe Bowers. He's got a natural knack to stay in pocket when he needs to and to get out of there - a lot of coaches like the scramblers these days. Of course, Darius Smith and Christina Carson remain at the top of the pool, but don't be surprised if you see someone like John Cameron, Draco, or even Aspen taking the #1 pick.

FS: Now Christina Carson is an interesting story...

Matt: Yeah, the media has really hyped up the relationship between cornerback Coby Carson and his sister, Christina.

FS: What are your thoughts on that?

Matt: We have debated for a couple months now where Coby would fall in the draft. He's likely to go at some point in the first round. But at that time, we were expecting Christina to spend another year at college. Now that she has punched her ticket into the draft pool, it's going to be an all-out sibling brawl for who gets picked first. The two foxes have those Type-A personalities. And a lot of coaches are concerned that drafting one before the other will only generate more unwanted attention. Forget about putting them on the same team together - they actually want to compete against each other.

FS: Does Coby get the #1 pick? He was rated as a 5-star player.

Matt: Again, Coby could go at #1. But Texas has the #1 pick, and the Ramblers haven't given any indication that they are searching for a cornerback right now. Nevertheless, Coby has been flying between Dallas/Ft.Worth and Houston to train and garner the Ramblers' attention.

FS: Interesting. I'd say that Coby has his eyes set on Texas.

Matt: Not necessarily. He's shown up in Chicago as well.

FS: Earlier, you said Aspen Redfield could go high in the draft. Aspen is the sibling, of course, of infamous FBA sibling Dylan Redfield.

Matt: That's true. Aspen has the true power and speed that you want in a quarterback. He gets that from some of his alt-sports experience. Unfortunately, the cervine has been trying to avoid the limelight in part due to Dylan's incident in the FBA, and so coaches aren't sure where his mind will be at come Week 1.

FS: Is he worth the pick?

Matt: I think so, but other agents don't think so. Aspen did shave off his antlers, which isn't required for the cervines but makes their chances better for success. It'll all come down to what the management thinks.

FS: Now I'm going to switch gears to the running backs. First RB to go?

Matt: I'm liking Samantha Castora. We don't have a huge class of runners this year, but she has the right stats to go far. She's aware of her weight issues and has been working out constantly - it just so happens that her species can put on weight easily.

FS: Beaver, correct?

Matt: Yeah. No offense to the beavers out there.

FS: After Castora?

Matt: It becomes a blur after that, but we're hoping Isaac Sierra goes early as well. He's got a good agent behind him, and all he has to work on is his turnover ratio and he becomes a strong candidate for any team.

FS: Now, we've drifted through our QBs and our RB classes... outside of those two positions, who out there surprised you?

Matt: You know, there's been a lot of trash talking about our females of the draft - girls like Artemis Griner and Kelley Rowe who have put out the numbers but are not getting the fair attention. A few head coaches were only interested in Arty after she got the 5-star rating in the scouting report. I wouldn't say she will be pick #1, but the extra attention did help and I think it surprised a lot of us at first.

FS: If it surprised us, what earned her the five stars?

Matt: Her pure talent. As a jaguarundi, you're just built for the linebacker position. It was probably only a matter of time until someone of her stature was going to come along and impress everyone at a position that gets way too overlooked way too often.

FS: And Kelley?

Matt: Well, she has approached this draft differently, just by being open and friendly all the while performing well. Usually in these draft pools you see a bunch of growling, angry men and women who are looking to kill on the court, rink, field, whatever - but she's got a different attitude than most, and it's like a -

FS: - breath of fresh air?

Matt: Exactly.

FS: The UFFL hasn't even had a season yet. How can the coaches be looking for fresh air?

Matt: Well, some coaches are still wondering how successful this 3rd trial of a football league will be, and many of them have previous experiences of managing other teams. If there's anything they are curious about right now, it's the action on the field. There's very little time left to wonder if the season will be successful or not.

FS: Very true. Now, a quick question before we take a break. Who's got your eye out of the wide receivers?

Matt: Well, you have a group of average-sized players, and then you have Delph Adler who dwarves everyone by almost a complete foot. That height will help the eagle.

FS: But avians historically don't handle the ball as well?

Matt: True; there's no indication that Delph will fall victim to that stereotype, I'm going to call it. Delph has had an average camp but has stamped his ticket into the 1st or 2nd round. He'll be fine. We're looking to see Olen Reuyters or Jacqueline Knight to go first out of the wide receivers, and then Delph.

FS: Alright, we're going to take a short break, and when we come back, we will discuss the offensive and defensive lines.

Matt: Yep.

FS: You're watching F-SPIN. See you after these messages.

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(Part 2 forthcoming)